Epilogue ~ My parents were like black and white, oil and water, sin and prayer. My father, not one to boil over, married a kettle of emotions. If he could have loosened his grip and if my mother hadn’t completely unraveled, perhaps my childhood would have been different. But it was what it was. … [Read more...]
3.45 A Kind of Holiness
Full Circle ~ Over the decades my mother has been following me around, showing up in my stomach, my bones, and my dreams. She used to be a dull ache inside me, but not so much anymore. She wasn’t cruel or abusive—there was no sliver to take out, no bullet to remove, no thorn to pluck. In the five … [Read more...]
3.44 No Flowers
November 1968 • La Habra ~ When my mother died, what remained of her life was packed in her small Hillman, now parked in Carleen’s driveway. The front bench-seat held her clothes, small feather pillow, and jewelry; the back bench, her black and gold Singer, button collection, and sewing box. In the … [Read more...]
3.43 Rainbows and Red Devils
Fall of 1968 • Whittier ~ Over the years Mom managed to get along. She worked for room and board with a small monthly salary for clothes, her car, doctor bills, and prescriptions. By the end, she couldn’t hold a job, couldn’t care for herself, the hospitals wouldn’t keep her anymore, and family … [Read more...]
3.42 Positively Haight Street
Haight Street ~ 1968 was the year to spread my wings. Dad couldn’t pay me more than he paid the girls (who were all making $2.00 an hour) so after seven summers and five Easter and Christmas vacations working in his store, I flew across the street and got a teller job at Great Western Bank for … [Read more...]
3.41 Killing Time
1968 • Northern California ~ In April of 1968, Mom found herself, along with everything she owned in her car, on the doorstep of a niece. Surprised, her sister's daughter not seen or heard from my mother in two decades. She sensed Mother had no place to go and graciously gave her a place to stay. … [Read more...]
3.40 A Full Mass
October 7, 1967 • San Francisco ~ Five months later, on a crisp October day, my father slowly escorts me down the tiled aisle of Holy Name of Jesus, our church in the Sunset. I look like a princess dressed in the white wedding dress that my stepsister Janet wore when she married. It fits like a … [Read more...]
3.39 “Oh Yeah?”
San Francisco ~ In May, towards the end of my first year of college, Bob proposed to me. I hadn’t had a boyfriend whom I loved. Yes, in my junior year I had a crush on Forrest and in my senior year Dave had a crush on me, but with Bob, it was different. He courted me and made me special. He … [Read more...]
3.38 Homesick
Fall 1966 • San Jose ~ In September I started my freshman year at San Jose State, majoring in Humanities with a minor in English. I went there because Sallie was, and I suppose, because my brother had. Scott Wardlaw, a fellow high school classmate, also attended. Because our SAT scores were high, he … [Read more...]
3.37 Summer in Europe
Summer 1966 • Europe ~ Boarding a plane for two nights in New York and then a second flight to London, Laura and I, along with our classmate Patty Corb, were off to visit cathedrals, castles, and crypts. I loved Europe. I loved the art, the museums, and the stunning architecture. We were … [Read more...]
3.36 Leaving the Hive
June 1966 • La Habra ~ In 1966, Orange County was a bastion for the John Birch Society, LBJ was President, and Ronald Reagan won the Republican nomination for governor. Opposition to our involvement in the Viet Nam war was growing. Sex, drugs, and rock n' roll were making inroads, but had not yet … [Read more...]
3.35 Riverside Campground, Big Sur
January 1964 • Bug Sur ~ Written by brother's wife, Marian Clemens ... So the adventure began. The property was a campground and cabin business in Big Sur. Dressed in jeans and warm jackets, we met the realtor that Saturday in December 1963, and he showed us some old cabins in a forest of redwoods, … [Read more...]
3.34 La Habra High (part 2)
1964-1966 • La Habra High School ~ In my senior year I had my second high school romance with another boy in my class, Dave Sheldon. He was a nice guy with a streak of worldliness, but had a neediness about him that kept me at arm's length. He wrote in my yearbook, "Cathy, I wanted to find a space … [Read more...]
3.33 La Habra High 1961-1966 (part 1)
1961-1966 • La Habra High School ~ Four years of high school blended together, neither the low nor high point of my life. My first year afforded me little self-assurance; the second tallest girl in my freshman grade, I tripped up and down the long halls between classes praying to be invisible, … [Read more...]
3.32 Riffraff and Hippies
1964 thru 1967 • The Haight, San Francisco ~ Viewing the world through the plate glass windows of Sprouse-Reitz, I seldom ventured out of the store and Dad didn’t want me wandering the streets. When you have no sense of direction and are born in a box as my sister Betty claims I was, I figured it … [Read more...]
3.31 Quit Gawking
1964 • 1644 Haight Street, San Francisco ~ At times my father amazed me. One late June afternoon, a boy, not quite my age, maybe fourteen, slender, blonde, and nervous, came into the store. He wanted to buy a bra and needed help. Too embarrassed, especially when I realized this kid wanted it for … [Read more...]
3.30 It’s Not Fair!
1964 • 45th Avenue, San Francisco ~ I wasn’t a problem teenager. I didn’t lie, I didn’t cheat, I didn’t steal. Nor did I sass, drink, or smoke, and I didn’t fool around with boys. Not because I thought fooling around with boys was bad, but because if my Dad ever found out, and he would, he’d … [Read more...]
3.29 The Sunset
1962 • San Francisco ~ At the end of a long day, rather than taking 19th Avenue home after work, Dad occasionally drove home by way of the Panhandle then through Golden Gate Park and past Kezar Stadium. For a few years he had a little black, white-topped convertible Ford. As far as I knew, he never … [Read more...]
3.28 A Longer Scorecard
Summer 1960 • San Francisco ~ I was eleven when Dad began courting Tweedledee. When I first met Marie she reminded me of a life-sized, inflatable Tippy Doll, the kind with sand in the bottom that when you knocked it over, it popped right back up. She worked in Margo’s dress shop up the street from … [Read more...]
3.27 Sweeney’s Candy Shop
1960s • San Francisco ~ Tightly wedged between Sprouse-Reitz and Superba Grocery was Sweeney’s candy store. The Sweeneys were a sweet white-haired couple who lived in the flat above their Haight Street shop. Actually, now that I think about it, Mr. Sweeney was on the crusty side, a balding man with … [Read more...]
3.26 1644 Haight Street, 1960
1644 Haight Street, San Francisco ~ From the time I was twelve I spent my summers with my dad and worked for him in his store in the Haight, and when I got older, I worked Christmas and Easter vacations too, saving my earnings for milkshakes, school clothes, and college. As you walked through the … [Read more...]
3.25 “Listen, Dearie”
Southern California ~ Larry phoned a week later and asked Betty what she’d heard about Mother. "How would I know?" Betty retorted. "I haven’t called." "Call the hospital! Right now! Find out!" Betty got the head nurse on the phone, identified herself as Noreen Clemens’ daughter, and asked, … [Read more...]
3.24 The Hillman Minx
Southern California ~ Mother attempted suicide like clockwork, usually with pills and alcohol and always next to a hospital or police station so someone could rescue her in time. My mother wanted to kill herself, but she didn't want to die; there's a difference. Carleen no longer took the calls to … [Read more...]
3.23 Purgatory
1960s • La Habra ~ Mom rotated between Betty’s and Claudia’s, but their welcome mats finally wore out. Larry wouldn't deal with living with her because she smoked and he didn't want her smoking around their new baby. Carleen was the one who took her in when she had no place else to go. What with our … [Read more...]
3.22 “You Writin’ a Book?”
1960s • La Habra ~ The women in my family are not victims, however, we do come from a long line of martyrs, and our mother learned from the best. With her bromides she nagged my oldest sister like a scolding fishwife. “You’ve made your bed… ,” Mom’s voice withered, then she'd snidely remind Carleen … [Read more...]