On Haight and Belvedere, tightly wedged between my father’s dime store and Superba Market, was Sweeney’s. The Sweeneys were a sweet, white-haired old couple who lived in the flat above their penny candy shop. Actually, now that I think about it, Mr. Sweeney was on the crusty side, a big man, balding … [Read more...]
A Confused Heart and a White Train
October 7, 1967 • San Francisco, California On a crisp October day, my father escorted me down the carpeted aisle of Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church, our parish in the Sunset. I looked like a fairy princess, dressed in the white wedding dress my stepsister wore when she married. It fit me like … [Read more...]
Bee Sting and a Dead Roly-Poly
1955, San Jose, California ~ I read whatever was in front of me. I read all four sides of the milk carton and the Cheerios box and the C&H container. I read the editor’s notes and publication dates and fine print in the front of True Detective and Reader’s Digest and Cornet or whatever Mom … [Read more...]
A Chicken Named Blackie
1943 • Sonora, Tuolumne County, California ~ Our family lived at 104 Green Street, a white two-story house right in the center of town that rented for $35 a month, and where I would be born in five years. A wide porch ran on three sides. The back portion was enclosed … [Read more...]
Awaiting a Grandson
I wrote this to my son Matt (who taught me about bandages, patience, and love) on his thirty-third birthday (1-14-2003) and who was awaiting the birth of his first child, a boy. That child, who is now nearly as tall as me—who can clean a fish, shoot a basket, and draw not only a cow … [Read more...]
In Search of Funny
Someone asked me about humor, and how do you learn to be funny. I said I don’t think you can learn to be funny. Either you are, or you aren’t. I told her I thought humor is often closely related to pain, that it arises as a reaction to suffering like a coping mechanism, that sometimes it’s the only … [Read more...]
A Dream Story
Many of my dreams, the ones I remember, are of me trying to get somewhere, usually on some odd form of transportation, not knowing how to get there, and often with people following me who think I actually know where I'm going. In one I'm riding a horse, leading the way; in another I'm in an English … [Read more...]
“Let’s Take a Trip Down Whittier Blvd!”
1961 - 1966 • La Habra High School ~ Four years of high school blended together, being neither the low nor high point of my life. The second tallest girl my freshman year at La Habra High, I tripped up and down the long halls between classes praying to be invisible, hoping no one would look at … [Read more...]
Epilogue to Behind These Doors
Revelations and Reckonings ~ My parents were like black and white, like oil and water, like sin and prayer. Daddy, not one to boil over, married a kettle of emotions. If he could have loosened his grip and if Mom hadn’t completely unraveled, my childhood might have been different. But it was … [Read more...]
Sam: A Dog Story
It was the worst day of his life, and I could hear the despair in his voice. Matt was calling from the emergency animal hospital in Sacramento. My son and his wife were on their way to the Sierras for a camping weekend. Pulling alongside on Highway 80, a woman frantically signaled them to pull … [Read more...]
Bless This Mess
I’m hard-wired for formal prayer. I find myself reciting the Our Father when an earthquake hits, and oftentimes at night as I go to sleep. "How weird,” I think, stopping in the middle, but then a Hail Mary (a woman about whom I hold equally … [Read more...]
The Shape I’m In
This house was one I often drew as a child, and other than simple stick figures, my only attempt at art. An illustrator turned my drawing into the cover for Behind These Doors: a red house with a peaked roof, a door, a window, and five flowers—surrounded by a tree, some grass, and a sunny blue sky. … [Read more...]
Book Launch @ Readers’
Passages from Behind These Doors: A Family Memoir ~ I posted on Facebook that my book launch Thursday night was a "Life Event." It absolutely was. I felt held, seen, heard, and loved. It was joyous and my heart was filled to the brim. It could very well be the high point of all this (and you know … [Read more...]
Sin and Prayer
My parents were like black and white, oil and water, sin and prayer. My father, not one to boil over, married a kettle of emotions. If he could’ve loosened his grip and if my mother hadn’t completely unraveled, perhaps my childhood would have been different. But it was what it was. Look, we all have … [Read more...]
My Friend Kim Heddy
Kim joined our office as an agent in 1994. As it turned out we had a lot in common: we both loved real estate, ice cream, and dark chocolate. In 2002 she became a partner in my real estate practice: she took over showing property to my clients, which meant I no longer got lost wandering around town … [Read more...]
Behind These Doors: Prologue
Prologue Audio (click arrow to play): My brother Larry was under the illusion that our mother was a good mother, but he had a different childhood than the rest of us. My sisters were convinced otherwise: Carleen complained Mom was thoughtless and self-centered, Betty resented her for … [Read more...]
Reincarnation
Elizabeth Ann Duchi Dec 3, 1939 - Oct 8, 2004 Sixty-four years ago my middle sister was born: Elizabeth Ann "Betty/Liz" Clemens. She was married forty-six years, had four children, and was the funniest person I knew. A year ago she developed a wracking cough. Eight months ago she was diagnosed … [Read more...]
Ten Years Have Slipped By
My Sister Liz Yesterday I found out my sister is dying. I know, thousands of people die every day—but they're not my sister. She's had this constant wracking cough for three months and we finally got her to go to a doctor. The first one said it was allergies and sent her home with nasal spray. When … [Read more...]
Unleashing the Flying Monkeys
Writing a memoir is one thing, having others read it is another; it's akin to being a nude model for the first time in front of an art class. But standing naked in front of strangers (or worse yet, in front of family, friends, and everyone in town) has nothing to do with me or what I look like, it’s … [Read more...]
Sevenau Line: Sideways and Down
With more than their share of scandal and drama, the Sevenau line was definitely not boring to research or write about. There are not many with this name, and within the last month with the passing of brothers Steve and Mike Sevenau (both in August 2014), became two less. … [Read more...]
Shaken, Not Stirred
All right already, so it takes an earthquake to get me out of bed. After 10 days nursing the flu, I wake up to my house rolling one way, then rocking the other. The earth is jolting and roaring. My bedroom is upstairs where there is extra sway. The door to my upper deck has blown open and … [Read more...]
Cosmic Patience
I hadn’t said a word the first three days; I’d nothing to add and was seeing plenty about myself simply sitting on the floor and listening—how I still need to control my environment so I’m not too hot, too cold, or too tired—and how hard it is for me to relax and not believe my discomfort will lead … [Read more...]
They Call it Beach Camping
Summer 1959: Salton Sea My least fond memory of that summer is water skiing at the Salton Sea, a huge inland lake in the desolate California Sonoran Desert. The place is a forsaken moonscape: saltier than the Pacific Ocean, hotter than blazing cinders, and smellier than rotting catfish. No … [Read more...]
I Want What I Want When I Want It
I am self-made, self-sufficient, and self-supporting, along with being self-reliant, self-confident and self-motivated. I am also self-righteous, self-serving, self-critical, self-centered, and perhaps just a wee bit self-absorbed. I reek of responsibility and good reputation. I hold dear my … [Read more...]
None of My Business
A recent blog post of mine provoked a response that mildly caught me by surprise. I sent someone down a rabbit hole regarding my use of the word "retarded" and she nearly tossed me into the briar patch when I read her response, but hey, at least I'm being read and she took the time to comment. In … [Read more...]