Just Plain Mean

Char Girl ~ I had my four-year-old granddaughter for the weekend. We’re making chocolate chip cookies and she begs to take over mixing the butter and flour.
“I do it, I do it! Let me, let me!”
After getting the cookies in the oven and cleaning up, as there was now batter everywhere, we put a load of towels in the washer.
She stops me again with, “I do it. I do it! Let me, let me!”
Then I pull out the vacuum to clean the floor dusted in flour.
Again, “I do it, I do it! Let me, let me!”
While the cookies are cooling, Theda Bara looks up at me with her baby blues, puts the back of her hand on her sweet forehead, rolls her eyes skyward and moans, “Work, work, work! All I did today was work! I had to cook, I had to do laundry, I had to vacuum, I had to do everything! I’m exhausted!”
“Poor little char girl,” I say in sympathy. “Here, have a warm cookie, it’ll revive you.”
2012

Flip of a Switch ~ Temple and I are making a mango smoothie. With the shiny red blender nearly full, I say, “You have to remember not to flip this switch up unless the lid is on.”
She reaches over and flips it. In shock, we look at the walls and each other, now dripping in mango, banana, and yogurt.
“Like that?” she says.
“Like that,” I say.
“Sorry, Oma,” she says.
“I know,” I say.
2013

Popcorn and Dibs ~ The grandgirl was here for a sleepover and we saw Inside Out at the Sebastiani Theatre.
It was $9.00 for me. I ask how much for a seven-year-old and Roger says, “Also $9.00.”
As we enter the lobby, Temple tosses her blonde head and harrumphs, “Nine dollars for a seven-year-old? That’s just plain mean.”
I explain the movie is in 3D and we need special glasses to watch it.
“Fine,” she snips, “but we have to hurry because I want to sit in the front row.”
We get our popcorn and Dibs and rush in to find one other person in the whole theatre. I tell her I can’t do the front row because I get motion sick so we share our snacks, then she scoots down to front and center when the movie starts. She doesn’t like sitting next to me because I jump or grab her when a scary part comes on. I scream the same way whether I’m about to be attacked by a great white shark or a piece of seaweed touches my leg, so no one who knows me sits next to me in a scary movie. And those who don’t know me, soon move. She’s been wise to that for years, so we usually sit separately.
After, I ask her what her favorite part was, and she says it was Joy dragging around Sadness by her foot. I tell her my favorite part was when Sadness realized how important she was in Riley’s life.
Then she says, “I suppose you cried. You always do.”
I did. As I had no Kleenex, I had to use the tiny crumpled napkin left over from our popcorn and Dibs.
After the movie we meander over to the Tuesday night Farmer’s Market for dinner and an hour at the playground, then end the evening with a cherry shaved ice and stroll home under the nearly full moon.
She’s a first-rate play date.
July 2015

Goody Gumdrops ~ Early morning conversation with Temple while she casually observes me putting on my makeup:
her: “Oma, you don’t have any eyebrows.”
me: “I know.”
her: “What happened to them?”
me: “They’re in my makeup bag and on my chin.”
her: “Why don’t you have them anymore?”
me: “As we get older, they thin out and turn gray.”
her: “Nannie had eyebrows and she was in her 80s!”
me: “Well goody gumdrops for Nannie…”
October 2015

Looking Good ~ Temple is once again studying my eyebrows (or lack thereof). Out of concern, she says, “So Oma, your eyebrows are gone and now you’re losing your eyesight, your hearing, and your sense of smell. Are you losing your mind too?”
“No, I haven’t lost my mind, but I am losing some of my memory. However, my hair still looks good, and it’s all about the hair.”
If you ever want to keep from getting too uppity, have an eight-year-old granddaughter. Or feel free to borrow mine.
2016

© 2012, 2015, 2016. Catherine Sevenau.
All rights reserved.